If you had asked me this question twenty years ago, my answer would have been immediate, and, looking back, a little superficial.
When I was young and perhaps a bit naive, I admired performers. I looked up to the people who could stand in front of a crowded room and command attention. I admired the speakers who could think on their feet, the debaters who could win any argument, and the “strong” personalities who never seemed to back down.
To my younger self, that was leadership. It was about the spotlight. It was about volume. It was about winning.
But as I’ve gotten older, my definition of “admirable” has shifted entirely. I’ve realized that what I was admiring wasn’t leadership; it was just charisma.
The “Fake It ‘Til You Make It” Trap
My perspective changed when I actually stepped into the position myself. Like many people in the corporate world, I started as a strong individual contributor. I did my job well, hit my marks, and I was promoted into leadership.
Did I actually know how to be a leader? Of course not.
I had the title, the team, but I didn’t have the wisdom. My company provided training, which helped, and I had mentors who guided me. But if I’m being completely honest, I felt like I was faking it.
And the truth is? Most people are.
We live in a culture that tells us “making it” as a leader just means learning the routine. You learn the buzzwords, you follow the HR handbook, you rely on precedence, and you go through the motions. You act the part until the part feels natural.
But going through the motions isn’t leadership. It’s management. And there is a massive difference between the two.
The “Thing” That Connects Us
Today, the people who spark my genuine admiration are rare. They aren’t the ones who just followed the ladder upward; they are the ones who possess true leadership.
It is a quality that is surprisingly hard to put into words, but you know it when you feel it.
I no longer admire the person who can merely public speak; I admire the person who can connect. I no longer admire the person who knows how to argue; I admire the person who knows how to guide and resolve.
True leaders don’t just act on precedence (“We do it this way because we’ve always done it this way”). They have an ability to start deep. They can walk into a room of fractured, stressed, or confused people and bring them together.
They create alignment where there was chaos. They create safety where there was anxiety.
Finding the Signal in the Noise
In this day and age, it is incredibly difficult to find these people. We are surrounded by leaders who are excellent at the performance of leadership… the meetings, the emails, the strategy decks… but who lack the soul of it.
So, when I see someone who isn’t just “playing the role”—someone who truly cares about the human beings behind the job titles and knows how to unify them toward a common goal… I don’t just respect them. I admire them.
It reminds me that leadership isn’t about being the loudest voice in the room. It’s about being the one who makes everyone else feel heard.
johnro 
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