Staying Professional When It’s Easier Not To

Early in my career, I worked closely with a colleague who, for reasons I’ll never fully understand, decided I was “their person.” Whenever something came up — a bug to chase down, a query to run, data to pull — they’d come straight to me. At first, it felt flattering. Being needed always carries a certain weight, especially when you’re new. But over time, the relationship started to drift into something a little more complicated.

This colleague grew comfortable enough with me to share their unfiltered thoughts about others on the team. They would complain when people spoke up too much in meetings or grumble about how slowly someone worked. One day, they sent me a message complaining about a teammate taking too long to finish a task. And for the first time, I pushed back.

I said: “She does take time, but she does complete her work.”

Not exactly a bold speech, but it was enough to draw a line. The response I got back was a crunchy face emoji — one of those moments where you know instantly you’ve embarrassed someone. From that point on, they stopped venting to me about other people. But they also went cold. Conversations turned short. The easy rapport we’d built evaporated.

The Professional Fork in the Road

I had two options:

• Respond in kind, get defensive, and let the relationship fall apart.
• Or stay professional, focus on the work, and let time do the repairing.

I chose the second path — partly because I knew we had to collaborate closely, and partly because I didn’t want to make things worse for the rest of the team. Over time, that patience paid off. I became team lead, and ironically, my role required me to partner with this colleague even more closely. We started having regular one-on-ones. Slowly, the ice thawed.

The Turnaround

By keeping things professional, the relationship shifted back to something functional, even friendly. We didn’t suddenly become best friends, but we found common ground again. In fact, the last time we talked, the same colleague who once sent me a crunchy face emoji convinced me to join them in workouts at local gyms.

What I Learned

Looking back, the experience taught me an important leadership lesson:

• Professionalism creates space for recovery. When relationships at work sour — whether from conflict, personality clashes, or awkward emoji moments — you can’t control how the other person reacts. But you can control your own response. Staying professional keeps the door open for things to improve later.
• Boundaries matter. It can feel flattering when someone “chooses” you as their confidant, but the cost of gossip or negativity is trust. Drawing a line (even in a small way) sets a tone for how you want to work.
• Growth isn’t linear. That coldness after I spoke up was uncomfortable. But sometimes discomfort is what nudges a relationship into healthier territory.

I wouldn’t call the whole thing enjoyable while I was in it. But it’s one of those situations that made me grow — not just as a teammate, but as someone learning the messy human side of leadership.